Stop dimming your light

Jamaija Rhodes | Staff Writer

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Photo Credit: Unsplash User Diana Simumpande


When it comes to dating and getting to know someone new, I always assumed that I had to act and talk a certain way in order for a guy to be truly interested in me.

Oftentimes I hid my personality or found myself being more reserved or just trying to appear cooler than I actually am so that I could receive the approval and acceptance from the men I so desperately wanted to see me.

Not only did this always come back to bite me later on down the road but it also persuaded me to adopt the mindset that my personality and who I truly am was too much for a man to actually like me and want to be with me. Of course, this mindset has a lot to do with my confidence, but it also stemmed from always being told that a lady has to act this way and speak that way in order for a man to be attracted to her and to want to be with her.

Many individuals believe they have to send their “representative” or put on a facade in the beginning of dating so that they can appear to be what this person they are interested in desires. There have been several incidents where I have heard people say that you cannot show too much of your personality when you are first meeting someone because it will scare them off. Although this may seem like a smart idea in the beginning, it only results in negative consequences later on down the road.

“When meeting potential love interests, I used to hide my whole self until later on down the road, but that’s always never ended well because now all they see is a stranger when I’m actually just being who I was all along,” Hampton University senior Simone Williams said. “So now when I’m getting to know someone, on any level, I try my best not to filter myself. If I feel I have to water down my personality for someone else, that’s a personal sign they’re not the kind of person for me.”

As a person who has hid their personality to make men comfortable before, I am here to tell you that you can try to hide who you are, but eventually the real you will come out of hiding. When one sends their “representative” while they are dating, it creates the expectation that this is who they are and who they always will be within the relationship, but if this is not who they truly are, then once they become comfortable enough to show who they actually are, their significant other starts to question who this seemingly new person is.

Although it is necessary to make a good impression when first meeting someone, no one should have to filter themselves for others to accept them. Not only is there no one who inhabits this Earth that is worth dimming your light for, but being your true self from the beginning can save you from a lot of problems down the road.

“You knew who I was … so there’s no space to say there was a switch-up,” HU junior strategic communications major Joann Njeri said.

More people should start being who they truly are instead of putting on the facade they believe everyone expects them to be. If we all started to become more comfortable with ourselves and accepting of reality, then no one would feel pressured to send their representative or appear to be a certain way.

Although it can be extremely disheartening to be yourself and get rejected, this makes it a lot easier to figure out who appreciates you for being you and who is only in your corner for who they thought you were.

By being your whole self from the start, it makes it easier to see who accepts you and who does not. Those who only accept some of you do not deserve all of you.


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